Home Is Where the Heart Is
by engine47
Summary: Lucas and Brooke have to make decisions. LucasBrooke, LucasPeyton. oneshot.


The Big Decision  
  
A/N: this takes place at lucas' house when he is choosing between brooke and peyton. and this story looks like its going one way(its a one parter) but it will change quickly a few times.   
  
*Brooke's POV*  
  
  
  
i always felt like a slut. everyone saw me as a slut. why should i care if he thinks i'm a slut?   
  
because he's different. he's amazing and pure and untouched by the corrupting world on Tree Hill. by nathan and dan.   
  
he's closer with peyton than he is with me. and now he's looking at her. and then me. and back again.   
  
I used to think that she was my best friend. before this.   
  
now i am just being irrational. she doesn't even know how much i like him. she just thinks that i am a brainless slut/whore/bitch. whats the difference? lucas is the only one i feel that i really will be able to open up to soon. if we are together.   
  
"I...I..." Lucas trails off.   
  
what do i do? i mean, i want him and i thought i had him. but no, she has to come and ruin everything.   
  
  
  
"Brooke..." he says soulfully, shamefully. i can see where he's going with this.   
  
"i see" i say coldly. "pick her. you know what? you two are made for each other. you know, the whole tortured artist/athlete who reads books, and listens to music. you never open up. i dont want you anyway Lucas."   
  
i say the last part of his name harshly, as if it can protect me from his next words and what i am really feeling. a box to block me off.   
  
"I'm sorry Brooke. I never meant for this to happen. I know that there is more to you and that you really like Lucas. I'll just go."  
  
i look up in surprise. i thought it was lucas talking to me, telling me that he is choosing peyton, until she said his name. peyton picks up her bag and starts walking out of the house, looking down at the floor.   
  
there is a piece of paper on the floor. no wait, a pile of papers. i bend down to pick them up. lucas doesn't notice yet.   
  
  
  
"Brooke... I was going to say that i chose you. you are beautiful, free, fun-spirtited, and i dont just think of you as a brainless slut. i also think that there is a deeper side of you, the tortured artist sort of part, with emotions and feeling which can get hurt. and i want to know that side of you. so will you let us be?"  
  
i stuff the papers into the pocket of my sweatshirt."YES!!" i say joyfully. i run into his arms and he kisses me. a long, slow, sweet kiss.   
  
"i have to go," i tell him sadly. he looks at me. in my eyes i have to try and convey the message that i will open up about this when i am ready to. i see in his eyes that he understands me. i kiss him again and walk out the door.   
  
i get into my car and drive home and lock myself up in my room because if i come home and later, i will be stuck in the middle of one of my parents' cocktail parties. where i first lost my virginity when i was 13 to a drunk 60 year old man. i will tell him about that when i am ready.   
  
i sit in my room, staring at the sky out of the window. thinking about lucas. i stuff my hands into my pocket. "Ouch!" i exclaim as i get a papercut.   
  
i reach into my pocket and pull out peyton's papers.   
  
they are drawings. the first one is of a cheerleader brushing her hair. "typical cheerleader, perky and slutty," it says. (AN: i know they dont really say any of the things that i say the pictures say, but i cant remember what they actually say.) that was peyton who drew this picture that i saw at the party i realize. i never knew she felt this way about cheerleading. this next cartoon(picture) is a blond cheerleader lying on top of a jock with a ski mask on his face. "sex with a nameless, faceless, jock," it says. that is why nathan looked at the photo, and then at her angrily the night of that party. there are alot of things that i dont understand about Peyton.   
  
i flip through the rest of the photos, there is one of a girl standing and waving away a ship. her father. there is another one where a blond girl is lying on top of a blond haired guy. the caption reads: "we cant have it." lucas. she doenst want him! i realize. i feel half joyful.   
  
i put the pictures down on my bed and put my hands in my pockets once more. there is one more picture. i take it out of my pocket and look at it.   
  
there is a blond curly haired girl with her back to me standing and looking after a blond haired guy with an auburn haired girl who are holding hands and have eyes only for each other and not the blond girl. the caption reads:   
  
  
  
"And now we can have it."   
  
  
  
i stare in awe at the picture. it is obviously newer than the other picture where the girl doesn't want the guy. Peyton and Lucas. i stare at the photo.  
  
she is my best friend. she stepped out of the way so i could have Lucas even though i really want him. she is MY best friend. and im just a bitch who realized that she doesn't deserve a best friend like that. so even though i really want Lucas and i think that i might even love him, i know what i have to do. i grabthe picture, sneak through my parents cocktail party without anyone seeing me, and drive to Lucas' house.   
  
he opens the door. "hey sexy," he says. "we need to talk." i reply.   
  
i follow him inside. "peyton really loves you," i say. "and she stepped aside for me and she is my best friend. and even though i care about you and might even love you, you belong with her." i manage to say all of this without bursting into tears.   
  
i am hoping he will be upset, and say "Brooke, I love you too and i dont want Peyton and never will."   
  
but he doesn't. he wants her. a look of relief washes over his face, and maybe even the faintest traces of a smile. he is happy. i look down, numb with my tears and my sadness. i look up. "Goodbye, Lucas" i say. i have made copies of Peyton's drawing, so i thrust one copy into Lucas' hand and leave him there, staring at it. My work here is done.   
  
the next morning at school, i see peyton sitting on a bench on campus, sketching a picture with her headphones on. i walk up to her and she removes her headphones.   
  
"And now you can have it," I say and thrust the drawing into her hands. i look down to prevent her from seeing me cry, and walk away. and thats it. i look up again and smile sexily at every hot guy i see that passes. after all, it wouldnt be normal if i didn't.  
  
Because I'm Brooke, the slut, the bitch, and the whore.   
  
Later in the day, I look around to find Peyton. After all we're still friends and if she can handle seeing me with Lucas, I can certainly handle seeing her with Lucas.   
  
I spot her, and our usual table. Lucas is sitting next to her. they are talking and laughing and having fun. all of a sudden they stop and my heart leaps into my throat. Yes! but then he leans down and kisses her and she puts her arms around his neck. it is their first kiss as a couple. i have to see it. my heart constricts in my throat as all chances of getting Lucas back slip away.   
  
they are perfect together, they belong together. everyone has a place with someone except me. Nathan and Hayley, Lucas and Peyton, Karen and Keith.   
  
Oh well. Maybe Deb and I will join forces and start an Old Maids club.   
  
  
  
  
  
I hold my head up high and walk away with confidence on the outside and a broken heart which is crumbling more every second on the inside.   
  
After all, I'm Brooke. 


End file.
